Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Good Lord, I'm Crooked Deep Down


On a test, in a relationship, during a game - it's all bad. Bending, breaking, or just ignoring the "rules" in order to give you the result you prefer.

Because, you do, after all, know exactly what the very best outcome for yourself is.

A Cheater: a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds; an impostor. My very favorite definition of cheating is
"to hoodwink or obtain an
unfair advantage over someone; conducting matters fraudulently to profit oneself."

Pretty gross, huh?

Like most girls on earth I'm sure, I have always thought of my wedding day as a day of great significance. Not because of the party - I'm not talking about
the dress or the flowers or the church or any of that other stuff - in my mind it has always held great significance because of the words that will be said.
It's not hard to guess that I take myself a little too seriously sometimes, and that I put a lot of value in words. Especially the words that I say. Yes, actions speak louder, but for me there is just something about the power of one's words. I have never doubted my ability to say those words before God and my dearest friends and family, and be able to mean them. I have every intention of carrying them out to the fullest (Lord willing). I don't worry about being able to stay faithful - to follow the rules and to conduct matters fairly and in an honest way. Those are serious words that bind a person in a covenant relationship. And I want to be bound in a covenant relationship.

Well, see, I am already in a covenant relationship. At the young & tender age of six, I entered into a covenant relationship with the One who truly does know what is very best for me. He is increasingly faithful to me and omnibenevolent. I had no idea then exactly what it was that I had entered into, or what I would continually reap from that commitment. And like every relationship, this one has seen dark days and has grown and adapted over the years, and it has probably even been "reinvented" a time or two.

But I am a cheater.

I continually choose others over Him. I continually behave in a way that is embarrassing and dishonoring and disrespectful to Him, in the back of my mind sort of singing "he'll take me back", running down that aisle in impostor-white. It's like spending the day with Him, and then sneaking out at night to fool around with a lover who demands less of me, and in return, takes much much more. And daily, I argue with myself about the "wrong" in being such an impostor and thinking I can hoodwink the true Owner of my heart in order to profit myself...as if He doesn't know what is very best for me. I run around on Him. I run around, intoxicated by what these less wild, less risky have to offer me. I become so easily satisfied with the counterfeit goods they shell out, instead of the genuine riches that have been mine all along. I become convinced that a tiny sparkler will truly satisfy me when there is a raging fire burning for me at home.

I'm tired of being unfaithful. There's nothing captivating and stunning about the kind of girls who throw themselves around at anything that looks good. And I really want to be captivating.

I want to blaze with Him.

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