Saturday, February 18, 2012

the truth is

This hasn't happened to me before.

I am 97% sure that I'm being selfish and maybe lazy and maybe I have extraordinarily high hopes, but I've settled into a decision and in a strange turn of events for me, I refuse to agonize over it [like i'm prone to do about every.thing.else in life].

I met a Man.

I was not looking for a man, I was on a business trip, looking for a good place to watch a football game, and I found a Man. About four hours and a misstep in judgment later, this Man had me giggling and swooning. To his credit, he did things the right way and asked the right questions and actually followed through on them [herein lies the reason I have said man and not boy]. You can understand my swooning.

We've been in that wonderful and terrible season of "talking" [what does that even mean?] for about six weeks now. He is 1,700 miles away on most days and "talking" is good and so much easier when you've got automatic distance. But here's what I've decided:

I am 

Things have stalled out. They've stopped dead in the water and I just think that things should be easier than that. Frankly, call me lazy, but I'm just not interested in putting forth the effort to push things further. I don't want to have to be the one to do that. We talk regularly, but communication is still pretty shallow [how was your day? it was great, how was yours? Good, thanks for asking]. Things have stopped progressing organically, and I'm just not willing to put myself out there to push them along. If we were in the same city, hanging out, things probably would be progressing organically - but we're not in the same city, and things aren't progressing organically. I'm not interested in fabricating things further - I'm tired of doing that. Too many times, I've reached a similar point in relationships and thinking that we both were interested in moving forward, we force movement only for me to find out sooner or later that he's just not that in to me. I'm not doing that anymore.

Not that long ago, I met a Guy. It didn't take me long at all to know that I liked him. I liked this Guy. I liked who he was, what he did, how he did it, and I wanted to be where he was. I like this Man just fine, I really do, but I don't know that I like him the way that I did with the Guy. Maybe I'm selling myself short by not allowing the time and space to figure that out, and it's probably not fair for me to compare the two [Man and Guy are soooo not the same]. But I'm sorta thinking that if I don't know, it's OK that I don't want to put forth the effort [and risk] to find out. Right?

I am always happy to hear from him, it excites me - I do like this man [I haven't been able to forget about the swooning]. But he's gonna have to do something if things are gonna go anywhere. That might make me one of those high maintenance, annoying types, but it's what I think. [don't forget that this is not normal for me.]

Poo or get off the pot. Best of luck.
You're just not that into me. No hard feelings.
Kinda hope you change my mind. Let's be friends.

Easy, Rascal Flatts 


Miss Finn said...

Reading this was like talking to one of my girlfriends about things I've talked about before and it's just wonderfully written; like I'm feeling it too.
Miss Finn x

ruminations of a redhead said...

Good to know I'm not the only one!

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