I found this yesterday and realized it was a blog I'd written several months ago, and never posted. These past few, well, months- I have struggled greatly to feel seen. I didn't realize just how invisible I felt until I left home on a business trip, went somewhere I'd never been, and was noticed.
Stumbling across these thoughts that I'd had was a really good reminder for me. Because I don't feel this, and sometimes it's necessary to tell yourself that you know something, even if you don't feel it.
Sorta out of nowhere (although I don't really believe that anything is really "out of nowhere"). I think I have been blindsided by great love - the last year I have been loved well, and every so often I am rocked by a subtle, but great act of love. (it's at this moment that I wish I had a much greater grasp on the English language. Words are hard on this topic)
With the exception of a brief phase in my early adult years (which actually just turned out to be a great distaste for wordly romance....eewk), I have always been a sucker for good love. I love stories where love triumphs, I love happy endings, I love warm fuzzies, I love indescribable connections and irreplaceable memories. I ache to love well and be well loved. It is my greatest joy - loving others well. It's a big task and requires a lot - but it's not really love if it doesn't cost you something, right?
In my aspirations of being a great lover, I am learning that I must accept & understand what it is to be greatly loved. And my oh my - I am loved by a Great Lover.
He never goes to sleep on me.
He always wants to be with me.
He never doubts me.
He always forgives me.
He never forgets me.
He always takes care of me. (always.)
He never ignores me.
He always makes me better.
He never stops touching me.
He always knows what I need.
That kind of love - changes a person. It makes me able to love better. How could I even know how to love well if I am not well loved?
All I have to do is be with Him.
Listen: Phil Wickham, Always Forever