I tend to be a pretty extroverted person. There isn't much that happens in my life, or just happens in my head, that I can keep under wraps. I am your typical "heart on her sleeve" kind of girl. But somehow the past three weeks I have been able to bottle up majority of what's in my head. This is unusual and quite a feat for me. There's part of me that's glad I've finally managed to not inappropriately spew all of my thoughts to whomever would listen. Another part of me feels the great weight of the stuff. It's asphyxiating, actually.
This is blog-worthy information, because really its an anomaly for me. For the first time (that I am aware) in my life, my love and extreme care for someone has kept my mouth shut and my heart really soft. I have loved greatly - thankfully - and the older I get, I gain a better a understanding of true love. I have heard for years - and always agreed with the notion that true love is thinking less of yourself and more of others. It's a voluntary yielding to another person. It's putting what is best for others above what is best for yourself. It's asking yourself "who is this helping, me or them?" and always choosing them.
While that is not something new to me - it's manifestation in my life is new. I have never felt as compelled to want better for someone else than I have felt lately. Perhaps it's because I am loved well - and being loved well overflows from my heart into those around me, that I truly do love. At the risk of sounding the super-fluff alarm, being well loved and loving well truly transforms a person. I think differently about those I truly love. I feel differently about them. Perhaps I have grown out of my own version of the moron stage.
What's all this talk about love, you say? Well, it's Valentines week and while I am not an advocate of dedicating one day only out of the year to express love (should be done everyday, folks, in big, grand ways), I most certainly am in favor of taking the opportunity to celebrate & shower the people I love with love. It's not exactly appropriate for me to do so the way I'd like, but I'm learning to love well even at a distance.
Distance is hard for me - but it doesn't mean there's any less love. (does it?)
Paperweight, Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk