Monday, March 5, 2007

Spectacularly Me

Is it as hard for you to remember what your role is, as it is for me?

Lately, I've found myself forgetting that I am just me. Spectacularly me. I forget that it is not my job to win people over by schmoozing and wooing. I forget that I am an enabler and encourager, not a pursuer.
I've exhausted myself trying to convince people that I am worth their time. I have drained my extensive fountain of care packages, dinners, love notes, words of encouragement, hugs, knowing looks, jokes, emails, prayers, etc... all genuine, but all with expectations of adoration.

How gross.

How incredibly repulsive that I expect people to adore me. Well, pause. I don't exactly expect people to adore me, I just really want some people to know how fun I can be. (please don't misunderstand me...I have my fair share of idiotic and annoying faults, all to be saved for a later blog.)

I've decided to stop doing that. I am not a persuer. They either like me, or they don't. No amount of sweet emails or genuine prayers are going to woo them over to me.

I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't adore me just because I am spectacularly me, anyway.

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