I think its time you start living like you're loved again

I normally save my music blogs for my MySpace blog (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=42769958), but this one is good. I couldn't help but share it here too.

The past week has been a whirlwind. I can't even begin to tell you about all the rigamorole (who knows if I'm spelling that right.) in my life. Normally rigamorole is fine, but it has turned me topsy-turvy. I haven't felt so disheveled in a long time. Disheveled on the inside. I've never felt so inadequate in all my life...that part is new to me. I've never dealt with something so seemingly silly like this...the way I can't get it out of my head. And as untrue as my head knows it is, it won't stop eating me alive. It is everywhere I go, in every decision I make, and while I remain the same on the outside... I can feel myself being a wounded little person inside.
This song came as a very unexpected - although delightful - surprise for me this week. And while the artist very obviously wrote it to someone else... it has been the anthem I sing to myself. Because I can't seem to let that wounded person go... and she is a mess. I want her to disappear, but she wants to work it all out and come to a very clean resolve.... that never actually happens when you're dealing with the heart.

Being heartbroken - in any sense - is so much worse than death. When someone dies it is solid closure. There are people who feel the exact same way that you do. There are people who can relate- they had the same feelings and same experiences. But when you heart is broken.... it is a singular thing. Yes, most people have their heart broken in some form or fashion at least once in their life. But everyone has a different story. Heartbreak is messy. There isn't ever a clean wrap up of things.... the forever that was once there doesn't exist anymore. And no one knows what it feels like exactly. No one else had those same feelings and experiences, so you do it alone. It's worse than death.

While I know that my heart will be broken again (God, I PRAY never to this extent), I know just as well that I'll get over this. That I will laugh in entertainment at the things I believed. I know that I will wake up one day and be back to good and right where I should be.

Take a while
Take a breath
let yourself down slow
Gather up your memories
Hold on to what you know
Cause everythings been moving way to fast
You thought that you'd found something that would last
and it passed
So if you find
That in your mind
Youre putting up your guard
Trust me when I say
its not Supposed to be this hard
Youll fall again
And it will feel so fast
and every single fear you thought would last
Will pass
Youll fall again
And it will feel so fast
And every single fear
Every single fear
Will pass
Do I have to let go
and watch you walk away
Do I have to let go
And wish you would have stayed
I think Ill just play the part
I think Ill just play the part
It may take some time
Before you find
That youre back to good again
Right where you should have been
And even though the letting go
Has been the hardest part
I think its time you start
living like youre loved again
I dont care where youve been
I wish youd let me in
and show me how to get you
show me how to get you back to good