Tuesday, September 6, 2011

though you're in the dark here

I'm in a situation right now where I have no.idea. how it will turn out. It would be a lie for me to say that I'm not a little bit worried about it.

[ok. ok. I'm freaking out.]

I've never done well with things that are unpredictable or unplanned. I am a planner. I like things to be in order. And I'm in a spot right now where that is just not an option. I have to be unorganized and last minute. There is so much unknown in this situation that I feel the need to introduce myself to it. And at the expense of someone I love, I am having to just do what I know to do for myself, as a grown up [so.not.cool.].

All day long I've been reeling on this ridiculously female roller coaster of peace one minute and freak out the next. For someone with such a whack personality as myself, it takes a lot of brain power, and even more prayer power to survive things like this. I have to really concentrate and decide in my head what I think about something before I let my heart do all the deciding for me. [it's just wrong sometimes.]

This evening I sat down to do some work from home, and after a couple hours, started the uphill click of a freak out. Immediately something came to my mind, and I was sure it was a song that I couldn't place. My brain kept telling my heart: "He watches over your...." and that's about as far as my brian got [you know me. my heart is a smarty pants]. So, I did what anyone would have done in that instance.

I googled.

I laughed when google told me what I was remembering. Last week, a new friend encouraged me by reminding me of this Psalm. I took her advice and read it the next morning, and that my friends, is what was rolling around in my noggin.
"I lift my eyes up to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who watches you will not slumber.
The Lord is your keeper!
the Lord is your shade at your right hand!
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore."
Psalm 121
There is absolutely no reason why that should have been in my head tonight. And mybe that's my problem - I keep looking for clear, logical reasons, and sometimes - well, that is just not how things work. That brought me to a free fall coast to peace that couldn't have come from anywhere else.

[lock the brakes. I wanna stay there.]

Acres of Hope, Shane and Shane

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