Tuesday, May 15, 2007

when I'm hurt, You are healing

There are very few things in the world that make me wish I wasn't here anymore.

Today started out a pretty good day. I had coffee with a most amazing friend that was encouraging and fruitful. But I've spent the last seven hours surrounded by the most discouraging people.

To say that people are "lost" or "in darkness" is literally true. Today, the word darkness has a much deeper meaning to me. Darkness. An unilluminated area. Absence of moral or spiritual values. The dark is scary. Its thick. But its so easy to dissolve. Imagine it figuratively: you're in a room with four walls, no windows, no doors. A light switch on one wall, but it is not on. It is dark. Can you imagine sitting (or standing) in that room for hours upon hours? Or even days?? I would go crazy. I would go blind. I would starve, dehydrate, and all but shrivel up. My skin would lose its moisture. I would have zero grasp on reality; always seeing things and my mind playing tricks on me. I would hate it.

I know, without a doubt, that the job I have is a gift from the Lord. He provided it as an incredible answer to prayer, and He continues to teach me great things through it. He has opened door upon door of opportunity to share His light and establish relationship with two of my co-workers in particular. I get along with almost everyone that I work with, honestly, I do. But I have days - days like today - where it is incredibly hopeless. Maybe I'm just sensitive to the Spirit today, after my Spirit-filled coffee date this morning. Maybe I'm just irratible and annoyed. Maybe...I'm tired of being tolerant.

The language. The topics of conversation. The gossip and lack of respect. The snipping and slandering behind people's backs. The jokes and inuendos. It makes my heart hurt. It's like watching a gory movie. I feel better off having not heard it at all. I know when I go to bed tonight, the words will be whirling in my head. I will doubt the goodness of my innocence.

The sad thing is, some of my Christian friends are exactly the same. They just know better.

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