What if you could hear this song?

Something is REALLY wrong with me.
The past week has undoubtedly been one of the most difficult I've had in a while. Today, even as my car sits crumpled in it's parking space, I laugh at all the things that I've walked through this last week. I'm not gonna lie - I'm a little afraid to get out of bed tomorrow (assuming I make it there in the first place...you know how I am).
Today, after such well... drama the last week I can NOT for the life of me shake what's in my head (and BOY, is it IN my head). I can not for the life of me shake the frustration and angst I'm feeling. I can't get "Let's Get It On" out of my head, for starters (perhaps I should take it off of the MO mix?), and every night this week as I've walked in my little apartment I've thought, "I shouldn't be coming home alone."
Are you kidding me?! THAT is what I am thinking right now? Yep. That's it. Something is really wrong with me.
I guess it makes sense: having to call on guy friends of mine for car help on the freeway (LOADS of fun), the loss of a dear family's husband and father, my sister's wedding, and the first wedding shower of a precious couple of my friends. Blissful companionship, in one form or another, is all around me. The thing is, I'm not really that fond of people these days. I've worked pretty hard at keeping my distance, and that's been by choice. I just need time to process these things. I know I'm not fun to be around right now... I get that. So why on earth have I spent several hours lately asking the Lord to bring me my one and only? WHO knows.
Here's what I think (WARNING: vulnerability about to be unleashed, read with caution): when I dig down deep, when I let my foolish pride fall away, all I want - in the deepest parts of me, all I want is to fall into safe arms and cry a little. I don't really have that right now. And that's okay. My dad has never been that type, and that's okay. My brother's not that type either and two of the three other men in my life that ARE that type; one of them is on the other side of the world, and the other, I don't know where he is on any given day, I can't even catch him at his house lately. The third...well, I just don't know about that yet.
Everything feels insecure. I know the Lord's getting my attention, I just can't figure out what for. Maybe it's that He's preparing me for something, and I'm okay with that. It's just that everything feels uncertain, and I just need to feel still and looked out for. Do I need that? I'm not sure. It feels like I need that, but I don't really trust the things I feel.
An old friend reminded me of a Truth I tend to be quick to forget: "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, YET I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deers; he makes me tread on high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19
I don't know why I don't have what I feel so sure that I need. I don't know why that need hasn't been met yet. But even if I don't have what I think I need to exist at my full capacity, I will rejoice.
I'll try, anyway.

What if you
Could wish me away
What if you
Spoke those words today

I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn

But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

What if you
Could hear this song
What if I
Felt like I belong

I might not be leaving
Oh so soon
Began the night believing
I loved you in the moonlight

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

I could've treated you better
Better than this
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter
Can't stay in one place

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do