Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Catastrophe, It Reigns

Time to get serious. My last few blogs have been WAY too moody. I can't tell you how many people said, ", I read your last blog..." yeah yeah, I know. It was moody.

I've been wrestling with the Lord lately. I always find that the people I wrestle most with, emotionally that is - I don't actually wrestle - are the people I love most. I think it's because (And I alluded to this is my last blog) they see me in my most ridiculous behavior. They see me at my most raw, and they love me enough; they have chosen to love me enough to stick it out. And they love me enough to not let me get away with my ridiculous behavior. Christ is no different.

So I've been wrestling with Him over worry. It's no surprise: I am a worrier. I am a freak out, panic attacking, fretting little girl. And it is a huge sin issue (And let's just be clear: worry is sin. Matthew 6:25-34) in my life. I think it is something I will struggle with for my whole life. With the help of some precious saints consistently (and annoyingly) giving me godly counsel over the past couple of years, I have learned a WHOLE lot about the root of this issue. My worry - and it doesn't matter what it's about; I'm talking from the tiny like "what am I going to have for lunch?" to the average like "what if they don't like me?" to the huge things like, "What if the earth runs out of water?" (don't judge.) - my worry is a lack of trust in my God. This could be a whole other blog in itself, but my lack of trust in God, I believe, leads to a lack of obedience. My faith shrinks, my trust fails, and my obedience ceases to be obedience at all.

Here's my problem: I want to be obedient. So I've been wrestling with Him over my worry; trying to decipher what is legitimate concern, and what is foolishness. Trying to weed out the things that "easily hinder" (i.e. constantly running my yap) and growing the things in me that are delightful. God, is His great great grace and mercy has given me insight into some of the foolishness in my world. And THAT is what my point is...

Everything is a crisis. The economic crisis. The gas crisis. The water crisis. The Democratic Nomination crisis. The AIDS crisis. The global warming crisis. EVERYTHING is a crisis. We don't use, or hear, words like "bump" or "set back" or even "problem". Everything's gotta be a crisis. I am so tired of that word. You know what that word means? It means that we are all running around believing that our God doesn't know what to do with the price of gas, the rampant spread of disease, or how hot we all are. What a crock.

Crisis: an unstable situation of extreme danger or difficulty. I hate to break it to you, but there is nothing about my God that is UNstable (Isa. 33:6). He knows what he's doing with the cost of groceries and gas.

This one little word that I hear probably six times every single time I turn on the TV is a catalyst to my worry. Can you believe that foolishness? It's crazy. I think it's okay when we wrestle with God; growth is never easy, comfortable, and rarely fun. But growth is good.

That's all for now.
"and He will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom and knowledge' the fear of the Lord is Zion's treasure." Isa. 33:6

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see that you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you in my arms forever
When you kissed my lips
with my mouth so full of questions
It's my worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
Love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever


Michelle said...

Thanks Erin! Good verse too! :-)

Michelle said...

Hey girl! So yeah... I can totally empathize with this post! I am a complete worry freak too! For me, I'm learning that I LOVE to plan things for my future... it can be as simple as a meal plan for the week... to where I want to finish my college education. However, if I don't know God's will for my life... or my next step... HOW ON EARTH CAN I PLAN MY LIFE???? yeah... you probably get the point and see right to my sin issue... it's that I lose sight of the fact that I am to be trusting God for my every need (like you said)and not trying to being self-sufficent for everything. Trust is hard for me... but God has graciously given me many hard times to trust Him... specifically in the last four months... since my breakup. :-)And then now with this sickness...

Anyways... just wanted to say that I'm here with ya girl... and I understand! God's ways are higher than ours!

One verse (or passage really) that is encouraging to me is in 2 Chron. 20:1-23. Jehoshaphat is in need of direction and protection from God so he prays at the end of verse 12 and says: "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

Love ya!

Nicole said...

Hi! My name is Nicole and I'm a friend of Michelle's. Just wanted to let you know that I REALLY appreciate your honesty in your writings. It's not often I read someone as honest as you are. (that might be because you don't expect random strangers like myself to come look at your blog...:) ) However, just an encouragement to keep fighting the fight. I appreciate your honesty.